Sexuality

Corona epidemic has done many things to many. Difficult to enumerate. But the most common was, the surplus time on the hands, that was so scarce for so many. I too was totally occupied for 50 years since I took admission to the medical school. I could have very well worked in the COVID 19 unit being a doctor; with vast experience in the field including ICU. But being on the wrong side of the 60s and having mild hypertension, recently detected, with on and off episodes of breathlessness, obviously, I was barred. Though I was keen, I later realized that if anything would go wrong with me, someone would be held responsible unnecessarily, rules being rules so I did not press my volunteer ship. And so I had plenty of time on my hands being unoccupied for the first time in 50 years.

Being an avid cinema fan it was a god-sent boon for me. And so it was three movies per day to start with. For the first time in life, I watched 3 hrs movie on my android holding it in different positions and angles when hands rebelled.  The experience was good and bad. The one I that missed on the big screen, Tanhaji, I could watch sitting, reclining, while dining and also while taking a shower. But it lost all its charm because the very plus point of the movie, VFX effects, was totally lost. It looked like Lilliputians wedging a war against an army of dwarfs!

The surprises were to come later. Thereafter it was a deluge of world cinema, right from Hollywood to Australian to Italian, not to miss Korean!

‘Parasite’ a Korean movie, that had won many prizes and accolades including at the Oscar, had such a universal appeal that it would have been surprising if not getting any mention.

But there onwards it was downwards course, at least for me. When we were in teens, one’s sexuality was never discussed in the open. So much so that it was not taught even as a subject in the medical curriculum then. Homosexuality, lesbianism was unheard words and never discussed even in the boldest of groups openly. I never came across any boy having an overt or covert crush on another boy then and even on enquiring about it in all-boys’ hostel, years after when I became acquainted with the word.

And here it was raining left right and centre. A bold series on Indian expatriates, ‘Never I have Ever’ about the sexploits of a South Indian girl in her teens, they are known as ‘Coming of Age’ movies in Hollywood, a coloured friend of her realizes that she is attracted to girls and so is hesitant initially to come out of the closet. But once she comes out, it was like celebrations! Even the parents do not have any qualms. Father in ‘Love Sam’ at least has a tear in the eyes here and there but the bravado is of a war won! But the same scene is repeated exactly in, ‘Lady Bird’, ‘Holding the man’. And so many others. One of the ensembles has to be gay, is a new norm. When we were in college it was true for the blacks. One of the cast has to a black was the dictum. Okay, the times are changing, have changed!.

But how much? At one point I was absolutely clueless about how to react while watching ‘Holding the Man’. It’s an Australian movie and not a mainstream Hollywood movie. Being set in the early 80s, here at least parents oppose the liaison.

Once the relationship between the two protagonists, Tim and John was [It's an autobiography of famous Australian writer and actor Timothy Conigrave] established, the next scenes have to be torrid love scenes between the two. And as it is meant for the western audiences there are no bars held at all! What made me sit straight was the demand of John during the foreplay, [what else one can call it], 
“I want to feel you inside me!”

Now that was beyond me! Totally.

Even wished earnestly a man cannot, never can feel, even think, whatever you call it, how the mother feels when the child kicks for the first time from within! In the same vein how one male wants to feel another male inside him? Is it not a female prerogative? When the pressure mounts, the first desire, is to visit the nearest loo at the earliest! And here this one wants to have the pressure???!!

I don’t know what I am writing.

Sexuality is never a monochrome for any person. It’s always a rainbow. It has been proven scientifically that everybody has both the genders in different proportions. Nobody is 100% male,[ It is said that Arjun was, so did not have nipples, but see the justness of the writer, he made Arjun garb women’s clothes in the avatar of Bruhannda] ]nor 100% female. Expressions may vary. And this is the grey area. Many boys like other boys, not for their sex but just to emulate them as they are their ideals, ‘Hero worship’. At times this limit may be crossed finding the affected confused. But these boys overcome the infatuation and lead normal male life as the society expects them to. Every other boy goes through the rigmarole. To become a man from a boy! Once I read an interview by Akshay Kumar about being hit by his male fans. I did not know the meaning of ‘To Hit’ then. His response was nonchalantly casual. Without being offended about the gay overtures he had said, ‘If I am liked by anybody [meaning Gay] it’s welcome. It’s not that they are hating me and that’s good enough. Isn’t it?’  

Something similar was said to me, but as I have said earlier, I was never aware of such things so I just ignored it and then it did not repeat!

The big blow came when I watched ‘King Cobra’ and ‘Bad Education’ for the star cast. King Cobra has Christian Slater, James Franco in leading roles. James Franco is a double PhD, Professor in New York and many other universities and is known as a complacent actor of repute, winning many prizes for his role in 127 days, including Oscar nomination in the leading role. Not known for being openly gay. I could not watch the movie even for 10 minutes for its explicit love scenes between two men.

‘Bad Education’ stars Hugh Jackman, the epitome of maleness, wolverine the perfect and in the third scene he is shown kissing another man. I put off the show and haven’t seen any Hollywood movie since then.

Felt this could be an apt end so finished the typing, had cursory look for the spelling check and then pressed the publish button to publish. But it was not to be so. After tossing and turning in the bed for 15 to 30 minutes or so I realised there are more layers to the subject than I realised. Many layers were yet to be unfolded, I just could not leave them alone just like that.
The reaction of common man invariably is indifferent as if it's not his cup of tea. The bats exist, the centipedes exist and similarly, gays too exist on this earth, just Hi and Bi, no interaction of any kind! Maybe it's a good polite reaction. If I am Okay Tou are Okay type! 
Others are Homophobes. They are allergic to even the site of gays. and they are not passive spectators.
This phenomenon as of now seems to be still a rare one in India,[Am I guessing or hoping ?] In 50 years of my medical encounter only one chose to come out of the closet. And to my surprise, he does not fit into any preconceived notion about how the gays should look or behave. In 11.04 am crowd he would have easily passed as a junior assistant in some Dana Bandar firm! So if any male is delicate or his mannerisms are indeterminate to even feminine don't label, he might not be gay. On the contrary, John from 'Holding the Man' was full macho and was the best footballer winning the top shield, who needed male feel in his inside! The third category recently coined is, 'Gay Curious. As the nomenclature suggests they are not overly gay but have a soft corner for the LGBT community.'
I don't say, go and hug them, I won't but at the same time please don't reject them either, at least not on their face! We have so many others, like politicians to be insulted, Genda skinned social workers, callous cinema stars. Why target these nature's lesser kids? These are those who are trapped in their own skin and are suffocated, allow them to have one fresh breath of liberation, enlightenment! All of us have some female characters, either overt or covert in us and that did not make us any different. We succeeded in spite, rather with it, so apply the same principle to others!
Last but not the least, One thing is sure, no King Cobra type of movies for me henceforth, they are too "ugh! "