More than 60 years down the lane, I don't have the faintest clue still, 'what makes the two people click?' In general and on a personal level I tried to analyse but always drew a blank, many times neither here nor there, no definite conclusion. Whether the relationship is a forced one like blood relations or colleagues and roommates allotted by the authorities, or the chosen ones like spouses or friends, the statement holds true for all and sundry.
The front runner, the most primal is Mother-child relationship. 'Mother loves all her children equally ' is a myth, better if dispelled at the outset. Gender bias apart, it prefers the better one amongst the equals. Sons are preferred over daughters is a fact in a country like India where mothers' love is considered to be the epitome of sacrifice. But it's the same mother who sacrifices her daughters to beget a son for the family, going to the extent to commit the crime under the pretext of honour killing or 'Dudhjali'. Here one may add that the daughters though are treated secondarily are more attached to their mothers. So much so, that at times I have seen them snatching the husbands away from their mothers at the behest of own mothers! Again there are exceptions to the rule. Nutan slapping a lawsuit on her own mother Shobhana Samarth or vice a versa, Sarika being locked out and made to pass a night in the car by her own mother, the instances everybody knows!
I have known a mother who selectively treated her sons by their complexion, the fair one getting a better share of food, clothes schooling and everything while the darker ones were given secondary treatment! The elder ones are always brought up with a cane in the hand while the younger ones get away scot-free, is a rule rather than the exception! In one-child families the mothers are so doting that they suffocate the very individuality of the child. I had to reprimand one such mother who was always including herself in the activities of her child, 'We don't want to study, We are lazy, We like to sleep late even when exams are at the corner' Emphasis was on 'WE' and not on he or she! Rather than allowing the child to think on his/her own, the mother was doubling for him/her!
Another way round, a fact that mother too is as human as anybody else, is totally forgotten by the children. In many a family, she is kept on the pedestal just because she has borne children, though has done nothing else in life as a human being! Any word uttered by her is held like a gospel truth though it might be defying any logic or is miles away from the intellect! And the child goes to any lengths to fulfil the dream of THE mother that may cost him/her dearly. One such ' Maa ka Beta' was about to thrash me when I stopped her from spitting in the hospital corridor! 'HIS MOTHER' being stopped from a simple act like spitting? Unpardonable!
Another domain, where the relationship is by choice and shadowed by too many paradoxes is, Spouses! Man - Woman, Husband - Wife relationship! Every girl while selecting a suitable boy goes for his higher intelligence, higher pay, higher status, better family, better prospects anything better than her, maybe little compromise on looks' side, but as soon as the event, known as the wedding is done away with she immediately wants to be on par with him in every respect from the day one! So many times he has to just underplay his intelligence to please his lady love. 'My husband doesn't know a damn' is sole truth for her and she believes in it wholeheartedly though the husband might be having IQ of more than 150! Covert or overt there's always a fight amongst the spouses for 'Who should wear the pants in the house?'! There is always a war-like situation. "Why 'I' should take it to why 'I' have to compromise always.", are the warring points, though they do not hold water most of the times. The relationship itself is most of the time started on the wrong foot. Rather than planning for the love-filled co-existence together, 'He/she' must know/ must be shown who I am !' is always the first step of the ladder. Any relationship started on that note is going to be a jittery ride with lots of hiccups. And that's what I have seen in practically all the marriages around me. In one that claims to be a successful and smooth sailing, one spouse is invariably dominant and the other is so meek and submissive that he/she asks for a bucket when spouse orders to milk the bull!
The words are always hollow. We throw them in the air without care and empathy. One such word, unfortunately, is 'Relationship' used frequently without really knowing the meaning of it or working towards to develop it.
If You bear with me, more to follow!
The front runner, the most primal is Mother-child relationship. 'Mother loves all her children equally ' is a myth, better if dispelled at the outset. Gender bias apart, it prefers the better one amongst the equals. Sons are preferred over daughters is a fact in a country like India where mothers' love is considered to be the epitome of sacrifice. But it's the same mother who sacrifices her daughters to beget a son for the family, going to the extent to commit the crime under the pretext of honour killing or 'Dudhjali'. Here one may add that the daughters though are treated secondarily are more attached to their mothers. So much so, that at times I have seen them snatching the husbands away from their mothers at the behest of own mothers! Again there are exceptions to the rule. Nutan slapping a lawsuit on her own mother Shobhana Samarth or vice a versa, Sarika being locked out and made to pass a night in the car by her own mother, the instances everybody knows!
I have known a mother who selectively treated her sons by their complexion, the fair one getting a better share of food, clothes schooling and everything while the darker ones were given secondary treatment! The elder ones are always brought up with a cane in the hand while the younger ones get away scot-free, is a rule rather than the exception! In one-child families the mothers are so doting that they suffocate the very individuality of the child. I had to reprimand one such mother who was always including herself in the activities of her child, 'We don't want to study, We are lazy, We like to sleep late even when exams are at the corner' Emphasis was on 'WE' and not on he or she! Rather than allowing the child to think on his/her own, the mother was doubling for him/her!
Another way round, a fact that mother too is as human as anybody else, is totally forgotten by the children. In many a family, she is kept on the pedestal just because she has borne children, though has done nothing else in life as a human being! Any word uttered by her is held like a gospel truth though it might be defying any logic or is miles away from the intellect! And the child goes to any lengths to fulfil the dream of THE mother that may cost him/her dearly. One such ' Maa ka Beta' was about to thrash me when I stopped her from spitting in the hospital corridor! 'HIS MOTHER' being stopped from a simple act like spitting? Unpardonable!
Another domain, where the relationship is by choice and shadowed by too many paradoxes is, Spouses! Man - Woman, Husband - Wife relationship! Every girl while selecting a suitable boy goes for his higher intelligence, higher pay, higher status, better family, better prospects anything better than her, maybe little compromise on looks' side, but as soon as the event, known as the wedding is done away with she immediately wants to be on par with him in every respect from the day one! So many times he has to just underplay his intelligence to please his lady love. 'My husband doesn't know a damn' is sole truth for her and she believes in it wholeheartedly though the husband might be having IQ of more than 150! Covert or overt there's always a fight amongst the spouses for 'Who should wear the pants in the house?'! There is always a war-like situation. "Why 'I' should take it to why 'I' have to compromise always.", are the warring points, though they do not hold water most of the times. The relationship itself is most of the time started on the wrong foot. Rather than planning for the love-filled co-existence together, 'He/she' must know/ must be shown who I am !' is always the first step of the ladder. Any relationship started on that note is going to be a jittery ride with lots of hiccups. And that's what I have seen in practically all the marriages around me. In one that claims to be a successful and smooth sailing, one spouse is invariably dominant and the other is so meek and submissive that he/she asks for a bucket when spouse orders to milk the bull!
The words are always hollow. We throw them in the air without care and empathy. One such word, unfortunately, is 'Relationship' used frequently without really knowing the meaning of it or working towards to develop it.
If You bear with me, more to follow!
Chhan ahe.Pan this discussion can go on and on and on....If there is no give and take in the relationship it can last.
ReplyDeleteCan one blog appear in Marathi ?
लवकरच
ReplyDelete