Selfie !

In many Hollywood movies after a major emotional upheaval one is asked, what he or she is going to do next. The answer that comes out is very solemn.I am setting out to find myself. May be for a year or so I will take sabbatical , may be, go to India on the banks of Ganges, Banaras or Tibet to live with Lamas to find who  am I ! Who am I ?

Indians never have this luxury. They run chore after chore to fulfill the duties assigned to them by society, culture, religion. They don't have time to search themselves, to peep inside to look for what they are !

Really who are we, not as westerners,  nor as Indians. I was trying to explain my inner turmoil to a friend who burst out laughing as if I have gone mad. I had asked him, ' We say , this is my arm , this is my head, this my nose. All these organs seem to be different but the common factor that binds them is 'My'. Meaning this 'My' is different than arm, head, nose, yet it definitely is part of the entire imbroglio. This Me defines my entire stature but who decides this Me.'

I have seen my own children, children of my siblings, my friends, growing up since they were tiny new born babies. They were not that old enough, yet they showed so many characteristic traits which later became  major part of their persona when they matured into adults. In many instances the exposure to the surroundings was same, being brought up in the same family with same values but in the end everybody turned out to be a totally different individual in his/her own right, of course not bad or good but different.

In the class where my tiny tots were sent, one or two bullies were always there, mind you at the age of 3 to 4 yrs, and many meekly surrendered to their atrocities, even innocent, like pulling the hair, putting color on the clothes, nonetheless atrocities in the end. What makes them to do so, and what makes others to surrender to them ? XYY, XXY whatever is not the only answer.

We grow as we age. We start becoming an individual in our own right. By 16,17,18 we develop our own opinions about ourselves and the world around us. Who and what steers this, not change but the entire building up of a character? That 'Me'. The one that forms an entire world with 'Me' at the center. With his/her personal thinking process, outlook , an opinion about his/her inner self. Id, Ego, Super ego may be scientific terms just to define the method, but what forms Id why Ego is so strong or why Super Ego develops in few and completely lacks in some. Psychology may not have all the answers.  

The decisions can never be good or bad, it's the results which are correct or wrong. But who makes us to take those particular decisions at that particular juncture which may change the entire course of the journey. We may call it intelligence, may be application of logic, but how does it develop in certain people and others are deprived of the faculty even if they are traveling in the same boat. Or is it extremely random ? Right man, at the right place at the right time. If it's so what's the propriety of that being Me. Learned Me.

Many many questions. I am not a philosopher neither am I trying to fit in the shoes of those saints who faced the same dilemma while confronting the life. In fact no body confronts the life as there is 'No choice', you just go through the rigmarole  with your inbuilt capacity to tackle. And how that is built up is another question ?!