War of Roses with masks !

There was this movie, called "War of Roses" starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner, an absolutely disgusting narrative on something like a marriage that could be beautiful, serene and romantic. The relationship between these two individuals goes so sour, that one feeds the other a dish made from the meat of his beloved dog! I just abhorred and cringed.

What the heck, what this relationship mambo jumbo is all about! Over the last 50 years, I have been trying to decipher the code that garners a good relationship but that has eluded me so far. Of course in the tender age, I did not understand the intricacies of the word but I did feel the rejection. Though as kids, we all were at the same level, good looking among-st us were preferred over the darker one and sharp-tongued like me, in simple gestures like distributing sweets or buying cherished things. I went to school without an umbrella or raincoat of my own for years together. Went to school barefoot for a complete one year when I lost my foot-wares while playing at a friend's place. So the game starts very early.

In my own way, I tried to float above the waters utilizing all resources available at my disposal but this relationship bug always pulled me down. I never understood, what leads to a really good, tension-free relationship, may it be with anybody, right from your parents to your siblings, your friends or last but not the least your spouse.

Few myths those got dispelled on the journey though were eye-openers but did not help in any run, short or long.

Transparency, Faith, Open mind, Capacity to forgive, oh so many, in the end, myths only!

Transparency: I have seen many a fool, opening their entire pack of cards in front of their partner for developing healthy co-existence, at the outset One pertinent fact that is forgotten here is, that the other one in the deal, is completely Another Human Being, made from an altogether different mould, who in all circumstances is just not like you and maybe having totally different views on the subject. In fact, in many a case, that other one uses the information as a weapon, subsequently, in the 'War of Roses' which are inevitable in any liaison between two separate individuals.

Same goes for the open-mindedness. You are at ease in certain relationships but that might not be so. You might just come out with whatever you feel earnest but even in close, so-called, relationships words are twisted and you are not even given a chance to explain. Being a physician in a profession for more than 40 years once with an open mind I gave some advice to one who definitely required some psychological counselling. Rather than prodding for the reasons I was labelled and shouted at. There goes the open mind in the air!

And you forgive, feeling that 'That's the end, whatever happened, happened. Let's move on !'

Like Julia Roberts says to an Avant-Garde shopkeeper on Rodeo Drive, Hollywood in 'Pretty Woman'; 'Mistake, Big mistake' In any relationship between two individuals 'Ability to forgive ' is considered as weakness. More so in married couples. So it's always a big mistake. It gives the chance to others who have erred, to commit the same crime again, and this time more blatantly. There is no fear to be caught and if caught, other one is always ready to forgive.  

Faith and respect are next in the line. Bookish words. Absolutely. Faith, something you develop over the years but it takes only a few sentences to shatter it. What has gone in, to erect that monumental edifice of relationship comes down in seconds. And it's so fragile. Breaks even with the whisper of a rumour! In how much earnestness it is proclaimed is also a subject for research. Many times it's just a hollow word thrown on your face without any meaning whatsoever. Respect is a twin of faith, what goes for faith goes 100% for respect too.

Long back I myself had written ' If one wears mask inside the mask what's the point ?'

But unfortunately, the world loves masks. It's a done thing to have a facade. So if you drop your one, even with good intentions you had it! To be successful in any relationship, you must have a million masks, to use one for every situation even with the near and dear ones!
In any relationship, where you have to think twice before saying anything, weigh the words before uttering them, don't feel like saying something discreet, that relationship is not honest, neither transparent nor open, and tell me a single relationship where this game of hide and seek is not played with gusto! Masks everywhere, on each face and if one slips, invariably there is another one beneath that's equally garish and equally unreal!