What's missing ?

"Why are you prancing all over the place like a beheaded hen?"

            'I am not finding what I want.'

"What's it?"

            ' I can not describe for sure but I am definitely missing since morning.'

"If you don't know what you want, how anybody can help you to find it. Tax your brain and try to remember"

            ' I am totally blank'

"Okay, let me help you. Try to remember whatever you did since morning, after you got up, in chronological order, so you may recollect what you are looking for."

            'Yes... then I got up at the usual time, around 8.00, lazed in the bed for some time as there are no deadlines now. At 8.30 went to the gym' maybe reluctantly as bowels had not moved...'

"That's usual for you, nothing new. Next" 

           'Gym was not crowded. Usual few. Felt better after seeing many usual and fresh young faces. Few hi, hellos. There was this young boy, was trying to be Salman Khan in 2 days. Told him to go slow. He countered, 

'But uncle you are doing everything'

 'So?'

.' No offence uncle but...Just curious, how old are you ?'

 '64 going on 65' 

' My gosh. you don't look a day older than in your fifties.'

'If you want to reach my age just don't overdo. You don't want to be professional bodybuilder, do you?'

' I am studying for Architect.'

'So do the only thing that suits your body'

'Finished 10 items by 10 AM. Was feeling extremely fresh. Came home Had eggs and bournvita, no starving.'

"And then you headed for your clinic"

'Yeah, there were few patients,2 new 4 old, one showed me my prescription written for him 30 years back. Felt nice'

"I know, then you used to write in longhand. And your handwriting was not at all fit for a doctor, absolutely beautiful."

'Took round, some mundane, some genuine, tried to keep calm with senseless queries. Was partly successful. Happens'

"Then ?"

'Came home. Had quick lunch. Not happy with eating any more.It is just a done thing! Still bothered about missing thing. Put the thought aside, and took unfinished painting on the stand. Whatever was there was looking good but still required some finesse. Mixed few colours, applied in straight strokes, a bit of more mixing and the outlook changed remarkably. I was so happy with my self, did not know this could come out of me. Really from where does it come, I really wonder'

"Don't be over modest doesn't suit you. You are arrogant of the 1st order."

'Did not know how time passed. At 4.30 PM, remembered it's Tuesday and there is Spiderman running in the multiplex at the mall, in the Imax. Somehow reached in time. The new boy seemed okay. I liked Andrew Garfield better. Oh, story ... nothing new. It's an adaptation of a comic book you know. I go for Imax and special effects. Simply eye-catching, wonderful.'

"Why do you put so many eggs in one basket, I feel you stretch yourself too far. But did you get the thing what you were looking for since the morning? "

'Heck no. So I went for swimming at 7.PM. Had few lapses.'

"How many?"

'Usual 20.'

"You..."

' By the time it was clinic time. Grabbed some grub, drove to Vikroli. The road was crowded as usual. Cursed as usual. But reached in time. Few were waiting. One had come from Kalyan and other from Mumbra, beyond Kalwa. Answered their queries, prescribed a few medicines. The 3rd one was psychosomatic lady from nearby. Tried hard not to get involved, but for physician psychosomatic patients test their nerves. Not overtly psychic so could not be handed over to Psychiatrist, nor minor enough to be ignored. Mostly but the key to cure is in patient's hand which she/he does not want to use, willingly at times, at times unknowingly. But the problem persists. Managed somehow. Drove home tired at 11.PM'

"And saw 2 episodes of serials you normally see with me, as you normally do with a cup of ice cream"

'Yes'

"Then what's the hitch? what's it that you are missing?'

Went blank again for a moment and then it suddenly struck me, as if from out of the blues, or as the natural outcome of the thought process that had gone into it so far!

'I have lost my goal. The goal of life. I go through everything and that is keeping me occupied no doubt, but it seems as if  I am going through it just as a ritual, there seems to be no goal. Adventure in the living is missing massively and don't think at this age I would venture to seek it. I am afraid if it gives me a sense of 'Deja Vu ?'!