My Private Hell

It's not that my entire life as if was on fire but there were many a moment which were dark, sinister. By nature, I definitely know that I am not a vicious person and do not carry the baggage for long but there came moments where I was absolutely helpless and had to take shelter in those dark areas.

I along with my near and dear ones was waiting for a piece of my being, in the corridor where hope and despair are next-door neighbours, one always accompanies the other. I knew, very well knew from the deepest part within that, my being morose, is not going to help the situation but having gone through a similar situation from a third-party point of view, I could not help but think of the worst. And the mind that had touched the deepest abyss was refusing to see the brighter side of it. I was being given hope, was spoken to in soft words of assurance, but I was in my private hell where nobody could have reached. It was my private suffering and in years those were to come I could not have explained nor anybody would, could have understood what I had gone through. Everyone has that corner in their being where one suffers alone! The storm is going on within, may be apparent on the surface by anxiety writ large on face, but the extent and severity of the storm, devastating the inner self nobody can gauge nor empathize with! 

Attacks come in different forms. maybe in the guise of your friends, well-wishers, relatives or even parents!

They are so well planned that you are not allowed to breathe even if you are gasping under the mammoth wave! As if predestined you are reduced to a puppet listening to all that rubbish, maybe at times taking the form of vicious venom, no less, you just give up and retreat to your private hell! Your every word, your every move is misconstrued, twisted to the hilt and you are not given even the thinnest thread to hang on! Cowering under the attack you feel so helpless that you don't have any energy or will leave in you to explain your stand, forget retaliation! What better place than to hide in your dark corner and wait for the storm to get over! A stage comes when you stop being judgemental even about yourself and just accept the things as they are! Is it Nirvana or Moksha or just unfurling the white flag? 

My private hell is not a place for the recluse, it's the last hope, that maybe one day, the sun would be kind enough to send one of its errant rays to enter the solitude to bring in new shine!