Dignity in Life, Dignity in Death !
The incidences those
prompted me to write about my mother’s courageous decision to die with dignity,
made me ponder over the issues which all the doctors face, day in and day out!
I am going to make a very bold statement which definitely will not be palatable for today's children. Mostly from India and largely from the lower, the lower middle and the middle classes,
who do have access to the money, to some extent, but in the larger context they lack the text totally, "What's the LIFE all about and what does it teach !"
Otherwise how an energetic,
eager to help young doctor is beaten almost to death when an elderly in his eighties, dies of purely natural causes!
Their obsessive
attachment to their parents, especially and mostly mothers, almost borders on
the pathological! Their mothers, kept on the pedestal only for being THEIR
mothers, are flawless, [ mother can do no wrong!] insanely good human beings,
inhuman- not in a bad way, but lack rationale at most of the times and most
of all, are immortal! And that bothers me the most because day in and day out I
have to deal with this reality! Their immortality and the Death being the
ultimate statement that cannot be altered or rewritten again!
As a practicing Internist
I keep on admitting many critical cases who require intensive care so are
either in the I.C.U or I.C.C.U [They are different.] The very fact that they have
to be in the ICU means they are critical and their chances of survival are
guarded. And I vouch with my heart firmly held in its place that we try, we do try
to the fullest but the expectations of the relatives, especially children are
beyond reason, any reason!
‘If I admit my mother
in ICU and if I am spending hugely, she has to come out walking because she is
my MOTHER and at any cost I do not want to lose her!’, is not a very outrageous statement, we hear it every day!
I have always said
what India lacks squarely is ‘Scientific’ temperament! Medicine is not a commercial
mall where if you pay more so you get a better TV!
I have seen children going,
especially daughters, hysterical when the mothers lose a courageous battle
either to cancer, that's going on for months, or to the un-treatable heart or lung ailment which makes their daily life not less than hell, patients’ and the children’s
alike! Because for the patients, every breath is a herculean effort
or every step is a Himalayan task and for the children, innumerable
rounds to the specialists’ cabins for their endless appointments, timeless wait in the queue
for the Artificial Kidney Units or frequent admissions in ICU, which drain their
coffers dry very fast!! They beg for the lives of their near and dear ones, in such
situations too, and I don’t blame them for it, but when there is a tube in
every orifice of the frail body, the heart is being run by the pacemaker,
respiration is being taken care of by the ventilator support and kidneys’ role is taken
over by a dialyzer, such type of expectations are not only unreasonable but are
unjustifiable for the soul that’s nearly on the death bed, who in a real sense,
is suffering the most if would have been conscious! Would anybody with a sane mind, really like
to be in such an undignified status?
Maybe, because in
such situations, it’s the reason that departs first and the hope, always expecting a miracle, that keeps the life
going on!
I beg to differ here
because ‘Reason takes you farther in life, Hope may just turn out to be an
illusion. Here it’s mostly so!
In the end, when the
bill comes from the accounts department, all the so-called well-wishers and
relatives who make the kids take unwarranted decisions, mostly in the form of
emotional blackmail, start making an inconspicuous exit, and then there is the grand entry of so-called ‘Social Workers’. Affiliated
to some small political outfit mostly infamous for their nuisance value. And the
tussle goes to a different level leaving 'The Dignity in Death' with an ugly face!
Maybe it's the guilt or the bickering by the so-called near and dear ones make them go through this rigmarole!
In such instances too
there are good children who never forget that their parents in the end are
human and they have to bid them farewell in life at some point of time or the other!
On getting the news
from the newspaper that mother of one of our chaddi chums has left for the heavenly abode, I and my other common friend rushed to Pune the very next day, to offer our
condolences. To our utter surprise, there was nobody in the home, everybody was
at his/her respective workplace, schools or colleges, except his father, who
was coolly reading the latest newspaper sitting on the sofa in the hall! There was not even
a customary oil lamp burning when somebody departs in a Hindu home. Father
just shook the head and said,’ She had lived her life fully, she had to go so we
allowed her to go with dignity!’
Another doctor after
seeing the valiant efforts on our part to save her mother, who had the least wish
to live said,
" Doctor, why are you forcing her to live, even if this phase
passes out, I know my mother, she will be a walking cadaver, let's have dignity in her
death, I’ll sign the ‘No resuscitation form!"
With a faint trace of tears in the
eyes, she bade farewell to her mother and not only allowed her mother to live life with dignity but allowed to have dignity in her death, too!
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